When it rains, it pours.

So today I'm sitting at home in the office getting some work done (i.e. chatting on Facebook and listening to music) when I get a call from Kelly - he's at the doctor and he needs me to come there NOW. So I bust ass down the escalator to Queens Road, run up to the doctor, and find Kelly moaning and writhing in pain - they think he has kidney stones and needs to go to the hospital. He's in too much pain to walk, so the ambulance comes and they load him into a stretcher and off we go (I got to ride in the back of the ambulance! And not as the patient! A first!).*

At the hospital, they won't even let him out of the lobby until I shell out 6,000 HKD. While I'm dealing with that, I hear Kelly say that he's going to vomit. I have never seen people move so fast. Immediately, the three EMTs scatter in different directions yelling LEI YAO MO DOYA?!!!! (do you have a bag?). Kelly vomits from the pain just as I finish the transaction, and he's wheeled into an extremely beige ward housing seven other men in varying stages of, well, death.

Kelly continues to writhe and sweat and moan and beg for painkillers, repeatedly pushing the nurse call button, until someone finally comes and says, "painness?" After several emphatic yesses he gets a shot in the ass and calms down. The doctor comes to see him and says he'll have to stay overnight, but he's not allowed any food because "you'll just vomit from the pain when you pass the stone." Spreading cheer all around, these Hong Kong doctors.

I get kicked out at 9 p.m., but not before I realize that I've left my umbrella in the ambulance. And it's a typhoon signal three. That means it's raining really, really, REALLY hard. So I walk. And get wet. Very, very wet. Wet in my soul. So wet, in fact, (and this is the saddest part of the story) that when I stop to buy beer the store owner won't let me in his shop. Effing Shakespeare couldn't write tragedy like this.**

* The best part - the ambulance driver's cell went off on the way to the hospital. The ring tone? "Had a Bad Day."

** Of course I just came home, dried off, and went back to the store. Because there's no way I'm NOT drinking after that.

Buffalo and beer. And more beer.

Saturday was hot and humid, as usual, so the only thing to do was head out to Lantau Island for an evening on Ah-Sin's rooftop garden. Because if you're not going to be in the air conditioning, you might as well be sweating profusely in lovely surroundings. So we bought some beer, got the ferry to Mui Wo, and were walking the beach by six p.m.

Waiting for the ferry, wilting in the heat:

Pui O beach:

After a walk on the beach it was back to the roof for beer and cards and more beer. And dancing. And minor skirmishes over music selection. And then some beer. View from the roof:

And the only photo from the evening that's suitable for general consumption, me shuffling cards:

The next morning (after a brief GarageBand tutorial) it was off to yam cha and then to Wan Chai for a disappointingly-attended pro-Canto rally.

And now I'm back in the air con. Thank god.

****

Bonus photo:

Cute puppies cure hangovers.

Shenzhen again again

It'd been over a month since I'd stepped through the looking glass into the mainland, so Saturday morning I kissed Kelly goodbye, grabbed my toothbrush and a change of underwear, and hopped on a train to Shenzhen.

After checking into the Shenzhen Railway Station Hotel, which conforms to the great Chinese tradition of having a window into the bathroom (WTF?)

we went for Sichuan food...

...and tried to get the attention of the cute construction workers outside the window.

They wouldn't quit work and come play cho die di with us (their loss) so we cleared out and went for foot massages. This place is especially exciting because you get to see photos of all of the potential masseurs on a computer touchscreen and choose the one you want. We chose the two cutest guys and settled in for some pain. Now here's the thing - when you get a foot massage it covers your feet and calves, but there's usually something "extra" thrown in - sometimes they rub your neck, sometimes they pull your arms until your torso twists 220 degrees and you think your back will break... but this time, it was the butt punch. My guy pushed my leg up until my knee was touching my nose, then just started punching me in the butt. Hard. A lot. After I stopped giggling, I realized, "damn, this feels pretty good....", but by then it was over. Sadly.

And then it was time for the True Colours Club. And the other True Colours club, across town. And I'm not entirely sure what happened, but here's my video footage. Please admire my drunken camera work:

A few hours of sleep and back up the next day for yam cha:

then the train home. Like nothing ever happened...

More Paris

Okay, finally back in Hong Kong. I'm really not sure what to say about Paris, except this:

And this:

Oh yeah - and this:

Paris

I stepped on a hot dog today.

Oslo

From Berlin we took a train to Oslo to visit some friends. They were kind enough to show us around the city, where I ate both whale:

and horse & sheep heart sausage:

I am working my way through the vertebrates.

As for the invertebrates, I had jellyfish right before I left Hong Kong, I'm working on snails in Paris, and in Oslo I had this excellent crawfish pasta:

The highlight of the visit was the Vigeland Sculpture Park. There are no accompanying signs to go with the statues, so I've imposed what I think is the correct narrative on the collection:

*Ahem*

Look out! Baby killer!

You can run, but not fast enough. Not fast enough.

I said not fast enough!

Little Anders was paralyzed by fear, and thus the first casualty.

Knut was strong and laughed in the face of death. But he didn't laugh long.

Wait - you forgot some!

The bodies piled up.

The lone survivor had hidden himself away in a tree.

Now he is cursed to toddle the earth alone with only himself for company, only the bodies of his comrades for sustenance, and never able to speak because the speech centers of his brain had not yet developed.

Berlin

Hong Kong is a steamy, sweaty nightmare in August, so we're taking a break by wandering around Europe visiting friends. We did absolutely no preparation, so when we started in Berlin our conversations went something like this:

Kelly: So, what do we do?

Me: I dunno. Isn't there some wall here?

So we mainly just wandered around, though we did spend some time drinking beer at the beach set up along the river. Me:

And Kelly after he broke a chair but before we ran away:

More stuff from around the city...

This made me giggle because I have the maturity level of an 8-year-old:

Graffiti:

And this is by some graffiti artist whose work I love, but whose name I can't remember right now...

We didn't have much German food as Kelly's still in his vegetarian phase (it's been 16 effing years - when will the madness end?), but we did eat well -

Artichoke hearts stuffed with goat cheese and harissa:

Sudanese food - tofu, manioc, lentils, aubergine, peanut sauce:

Kenyan food - field peas, rice, plantains:

Tofu burger with curried mango puree:

And the city's specialty - currywurst. Not so good akshully.

Kthxbai.