Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dim sum before bed: a cautionary tale

Buddha's fist dumplings and beer before I went to sleep.  The resulting dream:

The empress of China had a daughter, the next in line to the throne.  This daughter was a young blonde girl, seven years of age.  She had been badly (but not permanently) disfigured in a fire.  Her face had been burned black and was coated with a carbonized layer of skin covered in minute cracks.  It was clear that the flakes would fall off like black snow in the coming months, but for now her face was completely dark.

One day the empress-to-be went with her nanny to her favorite restaurant.  The maitre'd greeted them obsequiously, as always.  But then guests jumped up to meet them.  Madonna, J-Lo, and David Beckham had been waiting to join them for dinner.  The group was led through the ornate gold and red restaurant to the best table and seated with multiple waiters attending them.  When one waiter did not unfold the empress-to-be's napkin and place it in her lap as he normally did, she asked him why.  "These are the new royalty, madam", he said, gesturing to Madonna, J-Lo, and Beckham.

Just then, a pipe bomb exploded in the restaurant, immediately killing the pop stars but leaving the empress-to-be untouched.  She returned home safely with her nanny.

Upon returning home, she learned that she was to travel to Shanghai with her mother to their winter palace, where she was to spend the next six months.  She became despondent.  Her nanny reassured her that she would be there, and that when the black flakes began to snow from her face they would count them together, and every flake would be one "I love you."

Across the world, on an interstate highway in America, a license-checkpoint had been built.  One was to drive in, park their car, then be examined by the police.  While doing this, however, one was welcome to sample free soft drinks from a dispenser that stocked sodas in the flavors of maraschino cherry, pancake, and Dr. Pepper.


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